My gay wife
At the movies, she hurriedly sat between us and only turned towards Matthew, talking about the previews and making comments about the movie. So there we were at the movies, me, him, and his best friend who was in love with him. Back off, if you please.
He was choosing to spend time with me. We talked and talked, and it seemed like he had something on his mind that he wanted to tell me. If you suspect your wife is actually a lesbian, think about why you have come to that conclusion. I remember the weather at the Friendship Gardens, what I wore when we went to the movies, the taste of the salsa we made together, or the evenings he would bike over after work.
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Is my husband gay? He asked for my phone number, I gave it, and we parted ways. His dating a man was, if anything, a positive for me. I noticed Matthew on my first Sunday in that congregation. If he was choosing to spend time with me, then why would his sexual orientation matter?
We met at church. Whether you realize you are a gay man in a marriage or you think your wife may be a lesbian, plenty of support is out there to help you parse through everything you’re feeling. is an unthinkable question to many wives, and some husbands do turn out to be gay.
Somehow, he just GOT me. Inwardly, I sighed and resigned myself to what I thought would be a vapid conversation centering on working out as a hobby or other abhorrent small talk. Thankfully, that was not the case, and that night after we made it back to my apartment, we chatted on the couch for a while.
In the months we were apart, I dated an old college boyfriend, and then went back to another on-again-off-again relationship. Matthew then called me and asked if I would hang out with him — with just him. We chatted a few times; he was dating a man, but his family and friends disapproved.
Finding out your partner is gay can turn your world upside down and make you question everything about your relationship. It was like magic. From the moment she got in the car, the "friend" monopolized the conversation, talking about inside jokes and people only they knew.
It was supposed to be a group hangout, but because of a miscommunication on place and time, it ended up being myself, Matthew, and one of his best friends — a girl who apparently had "dibs" on Matthew. Our next date was a nighttime stroll that ended up being a five-mile hike through the pitch dark of Papago Park.
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It never occurred to me to feel threatened by his sexual orientation. It occurred to me as I followed him semi-blindly over rocks and around cactuses that he could, after all, be a psycho about to murder me. Why Do You Suspect Your Wife is a Lesbian?
In that short conversation, I learned we both loved books, care a lot about gender and racial equity, and might enjoy getting to know each other more. When he abruptly broke up with me, I felt empty and shattered — I had never before connected with anyone the way I had with Matthew.
We talked and talked, and he wove us beautiful crowns out of some pruned cherry blossom branches. Learn the signs of a gay husband. He sticks out, not just because of his height but also because of his curly hair, infectious smile, and exuberance for life.